So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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