I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
