I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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