yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
