It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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