just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
