when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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