umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
