did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
organizing the empties. That sober.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
