where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
