He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
