your parents love me but you hate me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
