nut hugger
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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