This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
