omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
