Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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