Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My cat gives me a boner
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
