The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
