I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
operation harelip BJ is a go
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
