I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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