The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
