My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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