Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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