Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
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