Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
