I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
