You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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