I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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