I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
