She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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