Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
