I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
