If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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