when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
