While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
