I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
