we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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