can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize