Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
