Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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