So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
