When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
