no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
