you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
