I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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