We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize