I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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