Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
