Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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