If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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