mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
