white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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