My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
