She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
