Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
