New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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