It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
