ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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