I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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