Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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