New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
