Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
