Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize