So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
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It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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