don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
