There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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