Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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