We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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