My hand turned me down
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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