I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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