I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
