woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
