just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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