Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
